Showing posts with label seminary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seminary. Show all posts

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Ups and downs

Recently, my History professor talked to us about the interruptions to our lives that God gives us. We may think that they are inconvenient, but God certainly isn't worried about that. God's plans may or may not coincide with our own. It seems that I've been seeing a lot of the disruptions and fewer of the agreements with what my friends and I have had in mind lately.

One friend was given the opportunity to preach for the school and found out after she had started planning the service that the things that she wanted were not going to happen. The location changed. A friend died. She had mourning to deal with (which surprised her in its intensity). A lot. The sermon and the service were beautiful and many people were touched by it. I laughed and cried, which seem to me to be signs of a great sermon.

On Tuesday, I finished my taxes. I'm getting a big refund, which was nice and completely unexpected. I realized that I had really been worrying about money and future income. I'm glad that this coming check has alleviated that for a bit.

On Wednesday, I had a massage, one of the luxuries that I allow myself. I think a lot during massages and in the shower. While I try to be environmentally conscious, it's really hard for me to take short showers, because it's an important time for me to think through things during them. Anyway, while showering after the massage, I had an awakening that was like I'd been living in a fog. I realized that I've been moody, perhaps even depressed for a while. I felt like all of a sudden the sun broke through and I could see again, where everything had been completely obscured before.

I was so excited that I started calling people to tell them. I don't know if people had realized that I wasn't all that happy before, though, so I'm not sure how they took my news that I was now feeling much more alive again.

I met up with a friend who is a Christian Science Practitioner, Lecturer and Teacher for dinner. I remembered that I had met him on 9/11/2001. Someone from the Mother Church had called another friend early in the afternoon that day. He was a member of the Christian Science Organization at UC Berkeley. They asked if we wanted to host a lecture that evening. We were able to get a few dozen people together and we had a prayer workshop, basically, helping us to look for ways to grow and learn from the experience. It was really powerful. I was so grateful that the Lecturer was able and willing to come on such short notice and pray with us that evening.

I was glad to re-connect with this CS Teacher and Lecturer (jobs that I aspire to) and talk about seminary. We went to church afterwards. It was really great. The lesson-sermon was really in-depth about God's laws and there were lots of great testimonies. (Speaking of interruptions, though, the service started late because the organist never showed up. One of the members agreed to play the hymns with one note for the melody line, all that she could do. So, everyone sang loudly. It was almost an a capella sound and it was beautiful, adding to the feeling of intimacy in the service.) People spoke of healings that they had had of relationships in their workplaces and physical healings. (I'll have to write up my healing about my broken foot sometime, but I haven't done it yet.) I really appreciated one woman who spoke about concerns that she had had with trying to share CS with her family, including a sister and brother-in-law where he's a physician. One of her friends pointed out to her that it was not her responsibility to change his understanding about CS. God would take care of that. I needed to hear that. I sometimes feel like I am personally responsible for helping everyone learn about CS. God wants me to help teach people, but God does all the work. It's not my problem to change how anyone thinks. Also, I can't mess it up, either. I do my best, no more and no less and God works with us with whatever we bring.

My friend who was preaching in chapel later commented about her feeling of emptiness, of having nothing to give, except a willingness to show up. (I feel that she was selling herself short, but that's where she was mentally.) I used to be dismissive of the concept that showing up is the most important part. Now, I realize that sometimes that's very literally all that we can do. For whatever reasons, we sometimes don't have more (or don't think that we do), but a willingness to be vessels for God's use is important. It is not nothing, but something that some people are wholly unable or unwilling to give. Also, sometimes it's very hard to show up. I've been working hard at the showing up part.

Yesterday, I found out that the internship (which I hadn't exactly been looking forward to, but which I was resigned to) is not going to work. I had been working hard at getting myself excited about doing it and I was disappointed and angry that it fell through. A class that I needed to do as an introduction to the work was canceled. They don't know when the next one is going to be, either. Then, I decided to look into a summer intensive archeological dig in Jordan through PSR (the Pacific School of Religion, one of the sister schools in our consortium with SFTS) that I had also been considering, but had not decided on, because I didn't know when this summer course for the internship was going to be offered. For whatever reason, the summer intensive in Jordan fell through, too. Instead of being in Jordan in early August, it is now going to be in Israel in late July. The timing doesn't work in July for me and I really don't have an interest in going back to Israel. While it's only a few miles (or a few dozen miles, depending on where it is in the tiny country) from Jordan, it's a totally different place. I much prefer Jordan.

So, after having been really happy earlier in the week, I found myself very grumpy and frustrated yesterday afternoon. After having been excited about going to a birthday party, all of a sudden I really didn't want to go. I went to dinner with some other friends, got my frustrations off of my chest and went to the party. We all had a blast, lots of laughing and light-heartedness. Then, I went to a professor's house, where she was hosting a bunch of first year students, since the birthday party ended early. While I was sort of tired, I really felt that I needed to go, even though I hadn't been invited. That's rather unusual for me. In the end, it was about the showing up. Someone who did not know anything about CS was there and had a lot of questions after I had a question about why I don't drink from an acquaintance who only knows a tiny bit about CS. I was happy to teach them both about it. Occasionally I find such questions exhausting, but not last night. I was very happy that I had listened and showed up. We can never really plan out how God's going to use us, but if we're willing, God does use us, I believe. Sometimes we just have to show up.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Poetry and Metaphors.

I go back and forth and across w/ being a stress case, not caring (procrastinating), loving, praying, working, stressing, not caring, loving, praying

and in the middle, there's the crying over stuff that my classes have been bringing up.

Seminary is awesome and horrible and hard and great

and brutal and beautiful.

It's a gift and a curse. I listened to a sermon about knowing, not knowing and not knowing what you don't know. There's a great deal that I don't know, but much, much more that I didn't know I didn't know. That seems to imply that there are more things that I still don't know that I don't know. Sometimes it rather hurts my head to try to think about.

Have you ever tried to ponder God in many different ways all at the same time and then realize that you're going to be graded on how well you learned someone's perspective of who God is? It's not something that I can do dispassionately.

I'm not generally poetic, but seminary makes me want to try. I can't do the regimented rhyming or counting stresses in syllables, but I can work on using descriptive words and metaphors.

I was really moved by the paper by McFague about metaphors for God. All the words that we use to try to represent God are metaphors, since no human words can entirely encompass who God is.

An extremely effective metaphor for me about the difficulty of describing God and God's kingdom is about the fish in the pond. All of the other fish aren't interested in anything beyond the pond, except one. This fish swims around and around the very edges until he has enough speed to be able to burst out through the surface and jump up to see what's outside and above the pond. He sees trees and cattle grazing, but he doesn't know what they are. He sees birds flying and doesn't have words to describe what they are doing.

When he comes back down into the pond, he is very excited about what he has seen. He tries to describe the trees without the words for tree or trunk or branches or leaves. He points to the marshy grasses that grow up from the bottom and continue up past the top of the pond. He says that these large objects are like this, but thicker and solid, not moving with the wind. They have more than one part, also solid, and end with rounded flat bits that move.

He has no words for the cattle, since there are no 4-legged mammals in the pond, and so on.

It's difficult to describe what we have seen when it is so different from our experience that there are no words.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Ponderings on the anonymity of cyberspace

I used to wonder about how individuals could pour out all of their innermost thoughts, struggles, desires into the world in a blog. How could people say what I didn't/wouldn't want to share with my closest friends and share them with innumerable strangers? I think that it is a part of our confessional collective American past (which has spread out into other first-world countries). We need to share our sins/ failings/ admissions of falling short of our potential with *someone* and that has been replaced by sharing it with *anyone* or *everyone*. I don't know that it's the same. I don't know that it is even necessarily always constructive, but it certainly seems to be cathartic.

I've been asked/ it was recommended to me that I do journaling during this time of seminary.

Why am I here? God sent me and I said yes. Isaiah 6 - "Here I am, send me!" It reminds me of Shrek, "Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!" Well, I got picked and it turns out that I thought I knew what I was signing up for, but I didn't. Not at all. I figured that I would learn something about the Bible, learn the original languages of the Bible and take a few baby steps towards becoming a Bible scholar. My late friend, mentor, and honorary family member, Elaine Follis was a Bible Scholar. I am not. I may, by the grace of God, one day become one, but I wonder if I will ever accept that title in my own mind. People have already tried to bestow it on me, who are not taking Bible classes, but it does not, at least yet, belong.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm taking the nudge, well shove really, that God gave me to go to seminary and if I'm running in the right or wrong direction. (What would the right direction be? The wrong one? How would I know?) In my theology class this semester, I learned that it is very common that people worship something other than God, while they say that they are monotheists. Few, really, would like, even, to worship God, even though many say that they would/do. (This is Richard Niebuhr's work). There are many distractions that are easier to worship - money, clothes, intellectualism, etc. Some are more insidious - church, my religious concepts, how I worship - my routine. That's the tricky part. When we are not wholly willing to change what we believe, how we act, indeed, who we are, when God tells us, then we're not truly worshiping God. While I can intellectually accept this (which is a step (or many) in maturity from where I was a few years ago), I don't really know where I fall in all of this. I suppose, as Ben Franklin said, If I were to say that I had succeeded in becoming humble, then I should not have done so. He left humble on his list of traits that he was working on after all of the others had been marked off.

I think that we cannot really judge if we are worshiping God or not. Only God can do that, and I haven't heard how I'm doing. We have a directive that I am working on/towards in the meantime: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. And love your neighbor as yourself." I've spent a lot of time and energy in the beginning and the middle. I'm going to work on the end this week.

That's enough for today. I wonder if there's anyone out there. If not, that's fine. :) God bless, nonetheless.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Abby's Psalms, for my Old Testament Class

The assignment is at the end. I have included the full text of Ps 23 and Ps 146, then my versions of them. I welcome any and all feedback. The assignment is due at classtime tomorrow morning (8am PST). This is a first draft.

Psalm 23 – Individual song of trust

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Abby’s Ps 23
1 Father-Mother God is my guardian. She provides all I need.
2 He gives me a soft featherbed in a safe shelter. She shows me fresh spring water where I can fill my water bottle.
3 He creates great beauty in sunsets, forests and mountains, which enrich my experience. She shows me the way of life that I can follow to glorify Her.
4 Even when I am depressed or feel that death is approaching, I am not afraid, because You are here. Your security alarms and healers remind me that I am always safe.
5 You have set up an all-you-can eat buffet for me where I can find fellowship even with those who hate me. You have publicly chosen me. I am filled up full.
6 Your grace and lovingkindness will always bless me. I will stay in your home for all of the days of my eternal life.


Psalm 146 A communal song of thanksgiving

1 Praise ye the Lord. Praise the Lord, O my soul.

2 While I live will I praise the Lord: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being.

3 Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.
4 His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.

5 Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God:

6 Which made heaven, and earth, the sea, and all that therein is: which keepeth truth for ever:

7 Which executeth judgment for the oppressed: which giveth food to the hungry. The Lord looseth the prisoners:

8 The Lord openeth the eyes of the blind: the Lord raiseth them that are bowed down: the Lord loveth the righteous:

9 The Lord preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.

10 The Lord shall reign forever, even thy God, O Zion, unto all generations. Praise ye the Lord.

Abby’s Ps 146
1 Sing to God, “Halleluiah!” I sing to God, “Halleluiah!” 2 I will praise Him all the days of my life. For as long as I take breath on this earth, I will praise Her.
3 Do not put your reliance on the leaders of the world. They live such a short while and cannot help you. 4 When their hearts stop, they will be buried or burned. Their edicts will die with them.
5 Those individuals who rely on God are blessed. They have faith in Her 6 who created the universe with galaxy clusters, all their stars, all their planets and all of the life in them. He is Mind and Truth.*
7 She brings justice to under-represented and ill-served individuals. He feeds the hungry. She frees those who are in bondage. 8 He opens the eyes of the blind and ignorant. She takes the load from those who are burdened. God loves those who stay on the path. 9 He houses the strangers. She comforts orphans and the bereaved. He derails those who are on the wrong track.
10 God is omnipotent and omnipresent. She will be our only leader forever. Sing to God, “Halleluiah!”
* The seven synonyms for God are Life, Truth, Love, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Principle.


Assignment: Two of the critical features to paying attention in the reading of Psalms as poetry are parallelism and form. Parallelism stands as the distinctive feature of Hebrew poetry and replaces the rhyming words at the ends of lines that define English verse. For Hebrew the rhyme, contrast, extension, illumination, clarification, intensification is in the ideas of the line. Coogan provides an initial exploration of this on p. 461. However, his categories are too restrictive and if you study the relationships you will see that the lines connect in several different ways. The second feature to pay attention to is the form of the Psalm or the type of Psalm. This tells us about the content of the Psalm and helps us anticipate how the Psalm will develop and its major structural features. A classification of all 150 Psalms by their forms occurs on p. 462.

Using the above information, select two Psalms of differing forms (i.e. one can be communal lament, the other individual song of trust). Write a contemporary version of each Psalm. In rewriting the Psalm you need to preserve its form. That is if the original has 12 verses, yours should have 12 verses. Where the original shifts its concern and focus, yours should make the shift. For every step in the structure of the original Psalm yours should follow the same steps. So it is important to get a sense of how this particular Psalm's structure fits the overall structure for that type. An example of structure for a lament Psalm is provided for you on p. 463. You will also need to preserve the parallelism of the verses. You do not need to create the same relationships that the original Psalm has in each line, but your lines need to reflect an understanding of this feature of Hebrew poetry. In effect, your version of the Psalm will show a grasp of the issues raised by the original Psalm and how this may be voiced by a 21st century person. Be sure to communicate this in the type of Psalm you select as well as the issues you choose to focus on. Indicate what your original Psalm is when you rewrite it.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Life in Seminary

The following shows a slice of my life. We have an assignment due at 8:10am this morning. I took this list off of our online submission site. If I had waited until right before class (when I will be IN class in a place with no internet), you would see submissions up to the minute that it was due. The part that surprises me, though, are the ones at 4am. I stayed up until 1am, but then got sleep, woke up, ate breakfast, reread the assignment, then submitted it.

I spend more time in this class than any 2-3 others that I am involved in (some as a student, some as an instructor). At the bottom is the text of the assignment that we were working on, interspersed with my answers. Be sure to note the chapters that we would need to read to do the assignment. Be aware that these are above and beyond our regular readings for today's class and that we also were 'encouraged' to respond to a reading forum online about our readings for this week. ('Encouraged' means that participation is graded and we are expected to participate at least 10 times throughout the semester.) I wrote 4 pages of outlining to keep track of all of the interesting characters in these passages and how they were similar. While writing 100 words may seem easy, it's much harder than you may think. You ONLY get 100 words. Try saying something substantive with 100 words. It's a real trick.

Assignments submitted:
30 Oct, 22:03
B.
Chronicler Worksheet
30 Oct, 22:23
J.
Chronicler Worksheet
30 Oct, 22:58
P.
Chronicler Worksheet
30 Oct, 23:33
H.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 00:01
A.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 00:24
E.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 00:28
V.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 00:40
C.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 01:41
M.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 03:00
K.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 04:06
E. D.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 04:24
S.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 06:14
A. W.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 06:36
H. L.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 07:08
A. F.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 07:15
[updated after class]
K. S.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 07:43
N.
Chronicler Worksheet
31 Oct, 08:02
C. L.
Chronicler Worksheet

In order to appreciate the distinctiveness of the Chronicler's work, it is best to compare it with its closest source document the Deuteronomistic History. One area of difference between the two histories lies in the portrayal of the monarchy and specific kings. Read the following passages that deal with the various portrayals of David, Solomon and Manesseh in the respective histories.

For each king write a short biography representing the views of both the Deuteronomistic History and the Chronicler, i.e. a total of 6 biographies. Each biography should be no more than 100 words. Remember the biographies do more than state facts, so repeating the details from the text is not necessary. Biographies convey opinions, strong ones at times, and provide critical views on the life of the individual not so much as a product of his/her times but for the readers of later generations to appreciate those individuals. Be sure, therefore, to capture the thrust of the historians view of the particular kings in your biographies.

David
• DH -2Sam 6-23 (scan 9-10; 16-19; 22-23 more focused reading on other chapters but pay attention to major contours of these chapters)

King David of Israel was unusually blessed. He had God’s repeated promise that his kingdom would last forever and God’s steadfast love would never be turned from him. He was a righteous king, moving the ark into Jerusalem. He subdued many kingdoms, but only his son would be allowed to make a house for the ark. David and his sons were promiscuous, causing death and strife. The Gibeonites were awarded seven of Saul’s descendents in exchange for peace, but not Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s lame son, who was restored all of Saul’s lands. David was the best king Israel could have.

• Chronicler - 1Chron 16-28 (scan 16-18; 23-28, more focused reading on other chapters)

David was an outstanding king, nearly perfect, except Satan tempted him to count the Israelites, when no one had that right. David was blessed with God’s promise for a never-ending line of Israel’s kings. He wanted to make a house for the ark, so he bought the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite and drew up plans for its creation, arranging for the materials and the laborers, for when young Solomon would be able to build it. David even gathered an assembly of Israel to prepare the way for Solomon’s reign, to make sure that there was a smooth transition.

Solomon
• DH - 1Kings 1-11 (you need not read 3-7, 9-10 in great detail but the other chapters require much sharper focus)

Solomon, David’s second son by Bathsheba, widow of Uriah the Hittite, became king through the intervention of his mother and Nathan, the prophet. He had his brother Adonijah, David’s second-born son, and Joab, David’s general, killed to secure the throne. His wisdom was world renowned and he had Hiram from Tyre build the magnificent temple in which to worship God. God promised that David’s line would continue as Israel’s kings forever, so long as the Israelites worshiped only God. Solomon had many foreign wives, though, who were eventually his undoing, encouraging him and others to worship their gods.

• Chronicler - 1Chron 22:2-16; 28 2Chron 1-9 (scan 2-5 but more focused reading on the other chapters)

Solomon was an unusually wise king, following David’s plan to build the temple on Ornan’s threshing floor. He made sacrifices and prayers for God to hear those from far and near, foreign and Israelite alike, who prayed to God towards the temple. God showed pleasure by sending down fire to consume the sacrifices. Huram from Tyre, who supplied temple building materials, gave extravagant tributes to Solomon and sought out his wisdom, as did all other kings. Solomon sent away Pharoah’s daughter, his wife, to live in her own house, because the places where the ark had been were holy.

Manasseh
• DH - 2Kings 21:1-18

Manasseh, son of Hezekiah and Hephzibah, was not yet a man, only 12, when he began his 55-year reign. While Hezekiah had effected important reforms, Manasseh, unfortunately, seemed to have learned nothing from him. Manasseh defiled the temple by putting altars and statues to abominable gods worshiped by the foreigners who God had righteously thrown out of the kingdom of Israel. He single-handedly brought idol worship back into Israel, which his father had eradicated in his righteous reign. Manasseh had a reign of terror where many innocent lives were lost. Understandably, all of Israel was punished for these wicked deeds.

• Chronicler - 2Chron 33:1-20

Manasseh, Hezekiah’s 12-year old son, began his reign inauspiciously, bringing idol worship into the temple and the high places. He even made his son pass through fire and consulted with wizards. God’s wrath came down upon Manasseh and Assyrians took him captive. Manasseh prayed, repentant, and was allowed to return to Israel. He then re-enacted the reforms that his father had done: tearing down the high places and breaking down altars to idols, making sacrifices to God of thanksgiving. By the end of his 55-year reign, Israelites still worshiped God from the high places, but there was no more idolatry.