Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Treatment - Emergency need to embrace God as Life

Written in my journal 10/20

God is All-in-all and all in space. The childhood rhyme is that 'there is no spot where God is not'. There is no need or place for fear. God is here, there, everywhere.

God as Life embraces reality. God as Truth embraces openness and honesty. There is no space or ability for lies about ourselves or others in God. There is no place where we can be outside of God's realm. God is here now and every moment. We can rewrite our own sense of our histories by replacing painful-seeming experiences with acknowledgments of God's presence there. We look at places where we see only one set of footprints, where we felt the most separated from God and we remember - rewrite - our time then with the knowledge that God was carrying us. God carries us a lot. We don't thank Her nearly enough for what She does. He is always there, right where we are, whether or not we care or can acknowledge it.

Help us to rebuke the sense of narcissism. We aren't in love with ourselves. We are doing God's work for God alone. The congregation in worshiping isn't the audience. They are part of the service. God is the audience.

There can be no attraction to sin. Sin has no power of its own. Face down the demonic fears. Name them/ identify them as nothing. Unmask them and they will disappear, because they are nothing. Run away from them and they seem very real and frightening.

When the light switch is turned on, the light immediately fills the room. There is no time required, because _time_ is a set of mortal measurements that have nothing to do with infinity. We are God's infinite expressions. Perfect. Whole. Complete. Mature. Able to deal with whatever comes our way, because it is God who is doing the work.

Our only job is to clean the glass. God does the shining. We just have to help be better transparencies for Truth. And God helps with that, too. There's no burden doing God's work. God rests in action. The highest and sweetest rest, even from a material standpoint is in doing holy work (from Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy). We don't need to believe in the limitations of being introverted or extroverted. We don't need to believe we need to be with people or alone to restore us. God keeps us whole continually. Needing more or less energy is a human, limited understanding of our potential. We don't need to feel held down by anything or anyone.

I do not nee to accept any baggage -- not my own, nor anyone else's -- nor do I need to carry my own weight. All of it we can let go of and give it to God. From the old joke, about what money to give to God, draw a circle, throw up the money and whatever's in or out of the circle give to God, or take the other perspective - whatever God wants, God keeps! We are all held in God's hands/arms. When we feel we're slipping, we could only fall into God's lap.

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Continuation on that theme

God is here, now. Whether or not we realize it, whether or not we want it to be true, whether or not we feel that we deserve it, God is here with us, always. There is no judging, disappointment or suffering in God. God is there, with us, but God is not limited by mortal pain. God can lift us out of it, because God is not human and does not suffer.

There was a motto on a t-shirt for a swim team where I was Asst Coach, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is an option". I have to make myself realize that how I react or respond to a situation is a choice. We all can make better choices. Metanoia is a Greek term often translated as repentance, but it can also be recognized as an advanced knowing. Knowing beyond where we were before - now, we can make better choices than before. Choose Life! that you and your children may live. (Deut 30:19) Live into life. Don't let it pass you by. It's truly precious and a gift. The saying goes, that's why it's called the present.

Thanks for listening.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

In Morocco, Itinerary and 1st blog, from the plane

(From 06/15/09, written on the plane) Working up to today, I’ve had the gamut of emotions: anticipation, anxiety, fear, anger, excitement, relief, wonder, curiosity. I’m going to Morocco!
They say that the flight will be 9h29min in the air. We left at about 3:30pm PDT (as to when we really left – lift-off).
I did finally get my last email sent, about 10min or so before we started taxiing. I’m on a KLM Boeing 747-700. That’s a big plane! Being the geek that I am, I had been trying to estimate how much it could hold/ how much it weighed. I guessed that the plane weighed ~1000 tons and w/ people and gear, it could hold about a total of 2000 tons. I was rather awed by the thought of some 4 million pounds flying (if that were a true figure). Looking up the in-flight movie (it was supposed to be ‘He’s Just Not That Into You,’ but it wasn’t - I don’t remember now what it was), I found info about KLM’s fleet. 747’s can hold 35,000 kg (us and gear) for a max lift-off weight of 390,100 kg. So, I was off some.
Other cool stuff I didn’t know about my cool plane: 920 km/h cruising speed, 64.44 m across (wingspan), 70.64 m long, max 428 people, 12,900 km max range. The last one was the coolest to me – 8062 miles w/o refueling. For comparison, the 777-300 ER can hold 425 passengers, is 73.86 m long, can be 351,543 kg at lift-off and can fly 14,200 km w/o refueling.


Itinerary from 6/15 – 7/3: (written in several parts in mid-July)
We (my mom, dad, sister and I) started in Casablanca and immediately took the train to Rabat (2 trains, actually). They are both on the Atlantic coast. We stayed there for 2 nights and then quickly went to my sister's village by way of her souktown (overnight there). (My blogpost talks about this part.) We stayed in her village for 5 days, in the High Atlas Mountains, then went north to Azrou (2 nights) and Ifrane – day trip. Azrou is a nice, mid-sized Moroccan city, but Ifrane is a lavish, mid-sized European city, built by the French during their occupation (colonialization). Today, Ifrane is a fancy retreat for very rich Moroccans and for Europeans who want a cheaper vacation. There are some lakes in the Ifrane National Park just north and east of Ifrane where we spent a day looking at birds. (An upcoming post is about that day.) This was a really fabulous birding day. Birding is one of my dad’s favorite things. We also did a short part-day trip to Ain Leuh. (There are 2 dots over the i, and Leuh can be spelled Louh. The city is pronounced aye-n luh-hhhh – where the end is the sound you make when fogging up glasses to clean them.) This was the start of alternating between busy days and easy days. Driving around the lakes (Dayet Aoua, Dayet Ifrah and a few others), eating a heavy meal in Ifrane, then going to a Nature Preserve was a busy day. Taking just a 1-hr each way trip to Ain Leuh for tea (and a snacky lunch) for a few hours was a very easy day.
After Azrou, we went to Fes, where we stayed for 2 nights. We walked and walked and walked around the medina – literally ‘old town’ – in Fes it’s the huge maze of streets where lots of various stuff is sold. We went to a tannery in this area, too, and made some zween (nice, pretty, new, etc) purchases. If you’ve ever been to a bazaar or souk in a Middle-Eastern and/or North African country, you know about the hard sell, but there’s NOTHING like it that I’ve ever come across outside of that region. We were hard sold several times and we truly caved in the tannery’s sales area, because the quality of leather was like nothing any of us had ever seen.
The second day in Fes, we went up to Volubilis (a large Roman ruins, which is ~1/2 excavated and protected by a fence and has workers who look out for it and guides to show you around) and Moulay Idriss, then took a taxi back to Fes, then took a bus (which, ironically took us up past Volubilis again) on up to the Atlantic coast, north of Rabat in Larache. We had originally planned on hiring a taxi/driver and car for the day, but the pension’s owner’s brother found us some yahoo who wanted an obscene amount, so we took the bus up to Lixus (only 3km). We had figured that we’d spend just an hour there and then continue south for the rest of the day to Merdja Zerga National Park, looking for more birds. In the end, it worked out much better that we took the bus to Lixus, since we spent 3 hours there, wandering around the mostly unexcavated Roman ruins. (There is no fence here and, while there were 3 men who wanted to be our ‘guides,’ none spoke English and my guess is that they didn’t know more than we could have ascertained on our own.) We had a fabulous time discovering stuff and tooling around.
We decided to go to Moulay Bousselham the next day on our way down to Rabat. (Moulay Bousselham is right next to the Merdja Zerga National Park). I was super sick, so we did less than I think that we would have otherwise. We decided to go w/ some guys on their little rowboat motorboat to look for birds. They ‘guaranteed’ that we’d see flamingos and said that they’d give us our money back if we didn’t find them. We thought that that was amusing, but they really wanted to show us flamingos. We knew that they were no longer in Morocco, but in Turkey. We just wanted to see what we could see in the marshy areas, by boat, which we wouldn’t be able to see just from the shore. At one point, we were in an area where the draft wasn’t enough to use the motor, so we were mostly floating, or being pushed by our guide. He insisted that off to one side, there were flamingos. We dutifully looked w/ our binoculars and Dad took some pictures, but we were sure that they were lying, mostly because they were all white birds and flamingos are at least partly pink. Also, the beaks were wrong, but we couldn’t get a really good look at them just then. After that, we headed back and took other taxis on our way down to Rabat. Later, at lunch, my dad was able to zoom in on his pictures of the ‘flamingos’. We had insisted that they were not flamingos, but were egrets, which we’d been seeing all day. It turns out that we were all wrong. They were not flamingos or egrets, but white spoonbills, which were a lifebird for most of us. (A lifebird is one that you’ve never seen in the wild before. While everyone’s seen flamingos at the zoo and/or in some expensive US hotel, few of us have seen wild ones. That’s why we would have been interested in seeing them in the wild.)
Back in Rabat, we went to the National Library and the Zoo. I strongly recommend the Library if you have any research that you want to do. Do not go to the zoo, unless you can bear to see tortured animals (you think I’m kidding). The only redeeming aspect was the majestic Barbary Lions, which are part of a breeding program where they are working to revive an extinct species by working from a ½ Barbary Lion crossed w/ a similar breed and have now gotten to an 80% Barbary Lion. They were truly magnificent animals, but they spend most of their time in small cages. They have access to a run part of the day, but all of them share the same run, so they only let out one cage’s worth at a time.
Then, we got my parents onto a train to Casa, while we got on a train to Meknes on our way back to Souktown and Berberville.

GRAND TAXI explanation: (typed on 7/12/09)
To get to a nearby city, Fatima and I hired 2 spots in a grand taxi. While grand means large in French, they aren't necessarily really all that large. They are full-sized Mercedes sedans, mostly, although I've seen some that are station wagons. The Mercedes can hold 7, unless there are children, in which case more. Also, sometimes you can take one passenger in the trunk - or a sheep, although I
(Thank God) have never traveled with a sheep. (My sister has and has a post to that effect at innocentablogged.blogspot.com. If you think that I reference her site a lot, I do.)

The grand taxi needs to fill to at least 5 or 6 passengers before it will leave. When my whole family was here, we would hire out the taxi, paying for 6 spots w/ *ONLY* 4 people. (These numbers don't include the driver. In the US, 4 people plus the driver would be a very full car. NOT so here.) We may not have to wait for the taxi to fill up, but we may well have to wait a while. Sometimes folks have waited for 3 hours.

Returning to the US

I've been in Morocco for a month and will be returning in a few days. I have hand-written pages of notes about my trip, but I haven't been able to get onto blogspot in weeks and it's tough getting time on the internet, because I have to use my sister's computer. When we're home, we're generally sleeping, eating, watching a movie (also on the computer) or my sister's using her computer.

There will be more stuff coming up online here and/or on astrotheophilus.blogspot.com as soon as I get home and can type it in. I promise. (And I take promises seriously.)

Yesterday, I was starting to pack for home, remembering to take out stuff that I'd promised to leave in-country. (In-country means Morocco for me for now. It's one of those PCV (PeaceCorps Volunteer) things. If I forget to explain one, let me know. There are lots of PCV things. There are also lots of Arabic and/or Tam phrases that I like a lot which I may well take home to the States. I'm going to try to remember to explain those eventually, too.)

I realized that I didn't know if my flight was on Monday morning at 10am or at 12 noon, since the time had changed once (or twice) and I couldn't remember which was the more recent change. We went online to Royal Air Maroc's (RAM's) website and looked up the schedule of flights from Casablanca (Casa for short) to JFK, the John F. Kennedy airport in NYC. There were one or two per day each day during this week except for Sunday and Monday, when there were none. We looked at this several times and then decided to call RAM. Because it costs 5dh (5 dirhams, where 8 dh = $1) a minute to make a phone call, we decided to use skypeout instead. My sister's internet connection is slow, though, so our connection wasn't great. Nonetheless, we were able to ascertain that, indeed, there was no flight on Monday and I was now booked on the Tuesday flight. We were quite amazed and disgruntled, flabbergasted, etc. Why hadn't I been told about this? When was I going to figure this out? RAM said that they didn't have any of my contact info, just my name and the reservation, so they didn't have a way to contact me.

The original flight had been made through expedia.com by my mom. I had never used expedia before (and won't be again), so my mom had made a new username and pwd for me, but hadn't bothered to tell me the pwd. She had emailed once saying that I could call her for it, but back before I came in-country, it didn't matter. Now, when it really mattered, my parents were awol on a driving trip all over the US. We have their itinerary, but, again, it costs $$ to call the US and we didn't know if they were traveling in-between spots, etc. We sent an email and went to the next option: calling expedia. Being booked on another flight a day later wasn't a problem for me by itself - in fact, it meant that I'd be able to go to my sister's host-mom's baby's naming party, which was a big deal. But, the problem for me was that I had had two other flights booked to get me back to SFO. I needed to get new ones.

Here are some of the notes that my sister took during the 45 minute completely useless waste of time phone call to expedia:

'After explaining the problem, I sat on hold for 15 minutes while she ??talked to RAM??. She could not solve the problem. I asked for her supervisor, and sat on hold for another 16 minutes. At 37 minutes in, she said she'd transfer me to her supervisor. At 42 minutes, she said the supervisor would take over. At 49 minutes, the supervisor "Randy" said he could not understand me, due to a poor connection, and hung up on me.'

We're going to send this to expedia. The people that we were talking to were obviously from India, so the fact that this guy gave his name as 'Randy' was nearly laughable and close to offensive. The fact that he then said that we had a bad connection and hung up on us was really offensive. Yes, we had a bad connection, but he just didn't want to deal w/ us, because expedia didn't know about RAM's cancellation of the flight and subsequent reassignment of my reservation, so they didn't want to give me different flights for the rest of the trip. I guess that they figured I was just jerking them around, but, no, in fact it was RAM and expedia had dropped the ball by not following up. I'd put money on the fact that RAM canceled the flight a month ago or more, but expedia figured that I had finished the first set of legs of my flight getting me to Morocco, so the rest didn't really matter. Or something.

In the end, we resorted to texting folks we knew who were on skype. My dad's account and my aunt Glorious' account were open and we texted them. Also, my dad's sister's account was open on gmail and we texted her. My dad's sister got back to us first, so we talked her into calling Delta directly. After 3-4 tries (and hang ups) she was able to get me on a flight direct from JFK to SFO. Safi. (Enough. I'm done. etc.)

Or so we thought. She told them to send an email confirmation (pretending that she was me). She gave them my email address ~4 times. No email. No email. This morning, we finally went online to Delta and I am confirmed on two flights on Tuesday. Safi. Finally. I've NEVER had a saga like this to fly somewhere and I haven't even left Berberville yet. (I call my sister's town Berberville in all public posts, as she does, for PCV safety reasons.)

To get to Casa from Berberville will require an ENTIRE day's travel. I'm going to get on a tranzit at 5-5:30 am (it leaves somewhere in there, or, occasionally, if it's full, at 4:50 - like last time we took it. My mom nearly had a cow, because she was on it, but my sister and I were lagging a bit, but we got on it.) It's 4 hours to Souktown. I may well write an entire post about the Berberville-Souktown tranzit, but not today. It may hold as many as 30 people, though (some on top) and it's smaller than a full-sized van in the US.

Then, we'll get two spots on a bus to one of the big-six cities in Morocco, either Mekne's or Fes. (The apostrophe is for an accent grave - downward facing accent.) That will be 4-5 hours. Then, my sister will say good-bye and I'll get on a train for the last 4-5 hours into Casa Voyageurs. (There are 2 train stations in Casa.) I'm getting a hotel right by the train station, since I don't want to have to worry about it the next morning when I take another train (this time only ~45 min) to the airport. If we can catch buses and trains in a timely manner, it's possible that I'll be able to see the sun set into the Atlantic ocean, which I may have done before from France, but I don't remember it. Anyway, inshallah (God willing).

I'll have my phone on once I get to JFK (inshallah at 2:45pm local time) until I have to turn it off at about 5pm local time on Tuesday. Hopefully I'll be able to say hi to some of you.

Friday, June 19, 2009

In Souktown, Morocco

For those of you who haven't read any of my sister's blogs (despite my repeated requests :) ), Souktown is what my sister (Liz Fuller) calls her nearest city to her village, which she calls Berberville. She is strongly advised against revealing her whereabouts for security reasons. Unfortunately, sometimes PCVs (PeaceCorps Volunteers) can be sought out as targets. It's exceedingly rare, especially in Morocco, which loves PCVs (and has 210 currently, the second or third highest country for PCVs). Being that Morocco is about the size of CA, that's a bunch of Volunteers.

We spent our first full day in-country in Rabat, the capital and home to 1.7 million people. It's not a tourist destination, so there weren't very many non-business folks there. Rabat seems like an Arabized European city, which sort of explains why they keep applying to be a part of the EU. Here out in the bled, though, (the country-side), I have no doubt by looking out the window or when I walk down the street that I'm in a foreign, non-European country.

The big unique thing this morning were the trees full of cattle egrets in breeding plumage. (Specifics courtesy of my dad, an avid birder.) We have cattle egrets in the US, but they're pretty rare, I've never seen more than one at a time (not in breeding colors) and always w/ cattle, on a fence, a cow, or the ground. Below the trees were lots of Moroccan flags - pure red with a green five-pointed star in the middle. All of the buildings are this bright peach stone (sort of Spanish-style) with bright green tiles (Spanish-style, except for the color). I really like the color combos of the red and green flags and peach/light orange and green buildings. It's very bright and colorful.

It took us all day pretty much to get from Rabat to Souktown last night. We were in a big hurry to make it to the train station, as trains generally run on a tight schedule (as opposed to buses, tranzits - vans holding ~20 people, and petit taxis - little cars that are only allowed to carry 3 passengers. (We're 4, so we need 2 petit taxis to travel.) We were planning on going to stay in the monastery with the monks (about 1 hour outside of Souktown) and we wanted to make it there before evening prayers. After a mad scramble w/ our ~250 pounds of luggage up and down some stairs, we made it onto the platform w/ about 10 minutes to spare. The train was about 25 minutes late. We ran into some of Liz's friends (other PCVs) who were on their way out.

While we were in Rabat, we got to meet a bunch of Liz's friends because her cohort (stage - pronounced in the French way, 'staaage') were all coming in for a week of medical tests - their 1-year (and only) check-up. She was commenting that we got to meet more PCVs this way than any other configuration of timing for us to arrive. This timing also works well, since she now doesn't have to take as many days off for vacation. PC paid for the trip to Rabat (Casablanca, where we flew in is just a short 2 train-rides - a 2-hr trip - from Rabat). Her days in Rabat counted as work and, since she just had a few hours of meetings a day, we got to still spend most of them with her.

We went to the archeology museum Thursday (yesterday) morning. It had a fascinating collection of pre-historic, Islamic, Christian (Roman), and medieval artifacts. The descriptions were in French, so we got to practice French.

More soon! Send me emails if you like and I'll get them (and maybe even have time to respond to a few). :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Equinoxes

“On March 20, 2009, at precisely 7:44 am EDT (March 20, 11:44 Universal Time), the Sun will cross directly over the Earth's equator. This moment is known as the vernal equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. For the Southern Hemisphere, this is the moment of the autumnal equinox.” http://www.infoplease.com/spot/riteofspring1.html

I promised several months ago (on the winter solstice) to write about the equinoxes at some point. As today is the vernal equinox, the official beginning of spring, here it is.

The term equinox is Latin for equal night. On the equinoxes (both spring – vernal and fall – autumnal) there are exactly 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of darkness for every part of the planet from the North Pole through the Equator on south to the South Pole. These are the only two days a year when that is true.

The Sun’s apparent path in the sky, called the Ecliptic, is due to Earth’s orbit around the sun. The concept of the zodiac is related to this. The sun goes through different constellations (again from Earth’s perspective) during the course of a year. The planets roughly follow this path, too, which is why you’ll never find Mars in the far north of the sky (as viewed from the Northern Hemisphere), but you might see it in Gemini, the Twins (a winter constellation), or Sagittarius, the Centaur archer (a summer constellation).

The night sky has been mapped out like an extension of Earth. A projection of Earth’s North Pole into the sky is called the Celestial North Pole; a projection of the Equator is the Celestial Equator, and so forth.

On the equinoxes, the Ecliptic crosses the Celestial Equator. This means that the Sun will rise due East and set due West on those days. Because folks today do not pay much attention to where the Sun rises and sets, many may think that this is usually the case, but that is not true.

From the perspective of the continental United States, the Sun’s path changes in the following ways over the course of a year. On the winter solstice, the Sun rises the farthest south of east that it ever rises, goes up to the lowest altitude in the sky for the year, and quickly sets again in the farthest south of west position that it ever sets. For a position with a latitude of 38 degrees North (where I live), the Sun rises to be about 29 degrees above the Southern horizon at noon on the winter solstice. The Sun, during the next several months, seems to rise a little more north of its position from the previous day, until, on the vernal equinox, it rises due east, gets up to a middling height, and sets due west. From 38 degrees North, the Sun rises to be 52 degrees above the Southern horizon at noon on the equinox. That’s 23.5 degrees higher than it was on the winter solstice, because the Earth is tilted at an angle of 23.5 degrees. Not surprisingly, then, on the summer solstice, when the Sun is the highest that it will be all year, it’s at a height of about 75 degrees when viewed from the northern US.

Having always lived in the continental US, it was a unique experience for me to be able to see the Sun in the north in the middle of the day when I visited Costa Rica. The Sun had always been to my south at noon for my entire life. In the summer in Costa Rica, at a latitude of 9 degrees North, the Sun passes through the zenith (a point directly overhead) during early summer and stays in the northern part of the sky during much of the summer. The tropics of Cancer and Capricorn (at 23.5 degrees North and South latitude) are called that, because the sun passes through the zenith there one time per year. The sun passes through the zenith only on the solstice in June for the tropic of Cancer (its summer solstice) and the solstice in December for the tropic of Capricorn (its summer solstice, our winter solstice). That’s why the tropics are so warm. The Sun rises to be very high in the sky there every day of the year and the length of day does not change very much there over the course of the year.

I’m beginning to realize that I have gotten so used to teaching this with pictures that it is very hard to describe only in words. This all makes a lot more sense when there are pictures to go along with the explanations. I don’t have more time just now, but please feel free to ask questions or make comments, especially with help in making what I’m trying to say more clear for a non-astro person.

Thanks! And happy equinox!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Giving and Receiving

I have decided to try to share something of what I'm learning in seminary with others. I like to talk, but I also realize that I don’t have the time to be able to explain everything that I want to say in ways that I believe others may understand. I have to sometimes assume that people will see what I’m saying and wait for questions if that’s not the case. Other times, I’m sure that I err on the side of over-explaining.

Today, I’m pondering giving and receiving and hospitality, boundaries and propriety. I think, due to time constraints, I’ll have to just do the first part today.

I remember what Christine (Lane) Stonecliff said on a Valentine’s day several years ago about giving and receiving love. She had been reading a book about how people have different ways that they give and accept it. I don’t remember the order, but this is what I remember:

1) Touch and physical affection

2) Service – doing things for someone or having them do things for you

3) Gifts – physical representations of how much you care.

4) Words – compliments and ways that you point out verbally how you care

This book said that while these are the different ways that people give and receive love, not everyone sees all 4 as loving in the same way, or at all. Often, couples will give and receive love differently.

This comes to an idea from Stephen Covey’s _Seven Habits of Highly Effective People_. He speaks of relationships (of all kinds) as being like a bank account. Everything we do with and for another person can be seen as a deposit or withdrawal to the bank account. His point, which I try not to forget, is that the two people in the relationship may see these deposits or withdrawals differently.

A stark example of this was related as a story by Randall Williams in his house concert last weekend. A man had told him about his regrets. His wife had asked him to tell her that he loved her more often. He gruffly said that she knew it and he wasn’t comfortable repeating it to her. I think that he thought it perhaps was a feminine thing that wasn’t him. He would do other things to show her that he loved her, but he didn’t say it often. When she had lapsed into a coma just before dying, he repeated to her over and over, “I love you. I love you.” She could no longer speak, but I like to think that she heard him and knew that it had always been true throughout their 60 years of marriage.

Often people give love the way that they receive it without realizing that for others that may be seen as a withdrawal from the bank account. They want to receive love the way that is most comfortable for them. I think perhaps, too, that some people like to give love in one way and receive it in another. I am certainly fond of physical affection, which is why I give and receive hugs of friends whenever I can find an excuse to do so. I like gifts at particular times, but I don’t necessarily receive them well. I love giving gifts, but if I feel that people are overly generous with me, I’ll start to keep a tally in my mind and try to be sure to give back things of equal value. Sometimes I don’t feel able to do that, so it can make me uncomfortable.

I’m beginning to realize that not all of my friends are nearly as hug friendly as I am. I try to remember this.

My sister requested more examples, especially on the bank account metaphor. When you hug a nonhugger, you think you're giving them a gift (making a deposit), because you're expressing your love and affection towards them. For some, who even are huggers, there may be more going on. They might feel uncomfortable with where you are - is it a public place? is it too private? is it semi-private, but the wrong person may walk by and get the wrong impression? Sometimes they may worry that you're giving the wrong impression. Instead of being able to receive the hug, they see what you're doing as a withdrawal - perhaps taking out a large sum of the credit left in your relationship bank account with that person.

When we don't know/recognize this, we can continue to try to put in deposits in our way (hugging) when the other person gets madder or more distant, because that is a withdrawal for them.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Poetry and Metaphors.

I go back and forth and across w/ being a stress case, not caring (procrastinating), loving, praying, working, stressing, not caring, loving, praying

and in the middle, there's the crying over stuff that my classes have been bringing up.

Seminary is awesome and horrible and hard and great

and brutal and beautiful.

It's a gift and a curse. I listened to a sermon about knowing, not knowing and not knowing what you don't know. There's a great deal that I don't know, but much, much more that I didn't know I didn't know. That seems to imply that there are more things that I still don't know that I don't know. Sometimes it rather hurts my head to try to think about.

Have you ever tried to ponder God in many different ways all at the same time and then realize that you're going to be graded on how well you learned someone's perspective of who God is? It's not something that I can do dispassionately.

I'm not generally poetic, but seminary makes me want to try. I can't do the regimented rhyming or counting stresses in syllables, but I can work on using descriptive words and metaphors.

I was really moved by the paper by McFague about metaphors for God. All the words that we use to try to represent God are metaphors, since no human words can entirely encompass who God is.

An extremely effective metaphor for me about the difficulty of describing God and God's kingdom is about the fish in the pond. All of the other fish aren't interested in anything beyond the pond, except one. This fish swims around and around the very edges until he has enough speed to be able to burst out through the surface and jump up to see what's outside and above the pond. He sees trees and cattle grazing, but he doesn't know what they are. He sees birds flying and doesn't have words to describe what they are doing.

When he comes back down into the pond, he is very excited about what he has seen. He tries to describe the trees without the words for tree or trunk or branches or leaves. He points to the marshy grasses that grow up from the bottom and continue up past the top of the pond. He says that these large objects are like this, but thicker and solid, not moving with the wind. They have more than one part, also solid, and end with rounded flat bits that move.

He has no words for the cattle, since there are no 4-legged mammals in the pond, and so on.

It's difficult to describe what we have seen when it is so different from our experience that there are no words.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Ponderings on the anonymity of cyberspace

I used to wonder about how individuals could pour out all of their innermost thoughts, struggles, desires into the world in a blog. How could people say what I didn't/wouldn't want to share with my closest friends and share them with innumerable strangers? I think that it is a part of our confessional collective American past (which has spread out into other first-world countries). We need to share our sins/ failings/ admissions of falling short of our potential with *someone* and that has been replaced by sharing it with *anyone* or *everyone*. I don't know that it's the same. I don't know that it is even necessarily always constructive, but it certainly seems to be cathartic.

I've been asked/ it was recommended to me that I do journaling during this time of seminary.

Why am I here? God sent me and I said yes. Isaiah 6 - "Here I am, send me!" It reminds me of Shrek, "Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!" Well, I got picked and it turns out that I thought I knew what I was signing up for, but I didn't. Not at all. I figured that I would learn something about the Bible, learn the original languages of the Bible and take a few baby steps towards becoming a Bible scholar. My late friend, mentor, and honorary family member, Elaine Follis was a Bible Scholar. I am not. I may, by the grace of God, one day become one, but I wonder if I will ever accept that title in my own mind. People have already tried to bestow it on me, who are not taking Bible classes, but it does not, at least yet, belong.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm taking the nudge, well shove really, that God gave me to go to seminary and if I'm running in the right or wrong direction. (What would the right direction be? The wrong one? How would I know?) In my theology class this semester, I learned that it is very common that people worship something other than God, while they say that they are monotheists. Few, really, would like, even, to worship God, even though many say that they would/do. (This is Richard Niebuhr's work). There are many distractions that are easier to worship - money, clothes, intellectualism, etc. Some are more insidious - church, my religious concepts, how I worship - my routine. That's the tricky part. When we are not wholly willing to change what we believe, how we act, indeed, who we are, when God tells us, then we're not truly worshiping God. While I can intellectually accept this (which is a step (or many) in maturity from where I was a few years ago), I don't really know where I fall in all of this. I suppose, as Ben Franklin said, If I were to say that I had succeeded in becoming humble, then I should not have done so. He left humble on his list of traits that he was working on after all of the others had been marked off.

I think that we cannot really judge if we are worshiping God or not. Only God can do that, and I haven't heard how I'm doing. We have a directive that I am working on/towards in the meantime: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. And love your neighbor as yourself." I've spent a lot of time and energy in the beginning and the middle. I'm going to work on the end this week.

That's enough for today. I wonder if there's anyone out there. If not, that's fine. :) God bless, nonetheless.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Combining Math, Science, Astronomy and God

This follows from a note that Elizabeth Campbell wrote. Since I worked on my 25 random things this morning, I'm in a writing 'zone' or something, I guess. That's probably good, since school starts Monday. Before I get to my subject, perhaps part of why I'm writing is to take my mind off of what I'm in Madera to do. My friend's mom just passed and we are going through her mom's house, helping her keep what she wants, getting rid of junk, figuring out what to sell, etc. (This was part of my hoarding comments in the 25 things.) It's one of those things that must be done and which no one enjoys. I'm very grateful that I have a few days to be able to help her through this ordeal, hopefully helping her make it more manageable.

I have always seen God in the universe (and in big numbers, which directly follows for me). I think that that was/is a big part of my interest/attraction to astronomy. I feel like I have a small glimpse of what infinity means, because I have spent years contemplating the immensity of the universe.

Earth is small, as far as the universe (or even our own solar system, for that matter), goes, but it is, as far as we know yet, the only place where intelligent folks live. (I actually include dolphins in the 'folks' category. They have language, community groupings, etc.) I hope to be alive when we find other folks. We are each unique, though: number 1 in our own way. Even twins who have the same DNA are not even physically completely identical.

When I teach astronomy, I talk about the very big and the very small. Stars, immense as they are, use the energy of fusion - protons combining with protons to make Helium from Hydrogen. God is infinite, yet He knows each of us intimately. God doesn't forget anyone or anything in Her entire creation. This is actually why I think that there has to be intelligent life outside of Earth. If God truly is infinite, why would there be just one planet w/ sentient beings?

My astronomy mentor, Laurance Doyle, once gave this really great analogy to describe smallness versus uniqueness:
If all of the humans on the planet held hands and jumped into the ocean, it would rise 0.1 mm. Physically we are completely insignificant.
If you had a diamond that was the only one in a room, that might or might not be seen as important. If you had the only diamond in a city, perhaps that would be notable to some. If you had the only diamond on the planet, you would be seen as rich and special. You are the only you in the universe. You are truly blessed, interesting and important, because you are truly unique. Scripture says that the very hairs of our head are all numbered. God cares not just about us as individuals, but knows about the minutiae of our lives. God shows us what to know when we need to know it (if we're listening) and puts folks to help us along our path when we need it (often even if we're not listening).

I studied astronomy because of the glimpses of God's diversity and infinitude that it allowed me. After enough years, though, I realized that I just wanted to know God better, so I'm pursuing other paths that, I hope, will help me along that way. I still have a great deal to learn about how to go about sharing my experiences with God with others, so that they feel free to share theirs with me. I get confused about my purpose, sometimes, though, and start to try to get others to think like me. While I think that my path is right for me, who am I to try to convince someone else to take my path? (Hmm, things to ponder.)

I've got to go, but hopefully I'll come back to this subject - a bunch. It's one of my favorites, combining my two academic loves (and my soon to be two masters' - go figure).

The 25 random things (sorry, I waxed verbose)

At first when my friends tagged me on this, I thought that it was highlighting things you have done or not done (which I’m considering doing). When I started reading them, though, I was impressed about the openness and sharing that they did in these 25 things. I figured that I would try.

[The chain-letter part: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people [in the right hand corner of the app] then click publish.)]


1) I hate writing (or think I do). It’s not a passionate feeling, but enough that I continually have to talk myself into it. When I start, though, sometimes I really enjoy it. I’m not sure why I forget that. My favorite teacher in HS said to my HS class something like, ‘Writing is really difficult for Abby. When they talk about blood, sweat and tears, that’s true for her.’

2) I sometimes really enjoy lots of attention (I’ve taught lectures with 160 students at once for years and conducted church services for 3 years), but sometimes really hate it. 1) , while true, was rather excruciating to have my classmates hear. Ask me about ‘peculiar beliefs’ some time.

3) I’m not that into music, except hymns, which I have a particularly strong affection for. People always give me music and that’s usually what I like. Often, though, if there is a piece playing during an important event, I’ll have a strong emotion connected with it. That doesn’t mean necessarily that I’ll feel like I ever want to hear it again.

4) K, I’ve decided that 3) isn’t entirely true. I prefer performing music to listening to it. I like listening to live music, too. I won’t listen to jazz unless it’s live.

5) It’s too bad that I don’t have enough money to pursue many of my hobbies. I love going to concerts/musicals/plays. I’ve only ever been to the opera once, because it’s too expensive. I love skiing, too, but it’s way too expensive to do regularly.

6) My parents taught me at a very young age to save money. Somehow that turned into hoarding (money and things). I really don’t know why, but I am a terrible packrat. I’ve even seen it in much more extreme forms with some people, but I still haven’t really been able to shake it, even though you’d think that would help. Hmm.

7) I love to learn. Some of my most influential role models have been my teachers – 8th grade science, HS English (see 1) ), Pastoral Care, Intro Physics (freshman year undergrad), Grad Physics. I’m on my second master’s, which, I guess, follows.

8) I never thought that I’d make a good teacher, because I can be very impatient.

9) I have issues with missing meal-times. My sister and I are completely opposite on that. More than once, we’ve expressed chagrin that we couldn’t balance out my crankiness with not eating when I’m hungry to her complete disregard for food. She truly doesn’t get hungry. I get stomach cramps if I go too long w/o food. Lame.

10) I talk too much, when I’m comfortable, but sometimes I’m completely silent/mono-syllabic if I’m not.

11) I take openness to an extreme, same with frankness. I’m working on balancing those out. Many, many times I’ve gotten into trouble for speaking my mind too freely.

12) It’s sort of odd, given 10), that I would like to go into a profession where people share private experiences with me and I’m bound to not share any of it. Perhaps that’s why I chose seminary, even though it’s not needed, to help with the confidentiality part.

13) I used to be something of a gossip, but I’ve gotten a lot better at that (I think).

14) When people ask about favorites, occasionally I have an answer, but usually not. I like diversity – in everything. I don’t have a favorite food, because I love different kinds: Mexican, Italian, Thai, Japanese, Indian, Persian, homemade favorites – especially mashed potatoes and gravy and Baked Alaska.

15) I guess I really love food. My family has had many important times associated with food. Both sides of the family love to eat when they get together.

16) I love, love, love family. And friends that are like family. I have lots of both. I’m very blessed that way.

17) One of my friends wrote in this list that she misses people not places. I thought that that was interesting, because I’ve never thought a lot about it, but I guess that it’s true for me. I have had a list of places that I’d like to visit and Morocco was never on it. Now, though, it’s at the top of my list, because my sister lives there. (I’m going in June with my parents.)

18) Also in line with 5), I’d love to travel more. Fortunately, my parents like to take my sister and me on trips with them, so I’ve been able to see many neat things. Also, my sister will go with me, when she can, even if our parents don’t. Outside of North America, I’ve been to Costa Rica, France, England, Scotland, Jordan, Egypt, and Israel. Sometimes that seems like a lot, but usually not nearly enough. Oh, I’ve also been to all but 5 US states: Mississippi, Alabama, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Montana.

19) I definitely want to see Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Indonesia/the Philippines, Japan, Kenya, Italy, Germany, Guatemala (cool ruins). I’d also like to visit Antarctica, the Moon and Mars, but who knows? I wouldn’t go to any of these exotic places without going with someone (or several someones) who I love, though, because the places aren’t as important as the experiences of making memories and being w/ people.

20) I sometimes have a tough time going to do activities on my own, because I want to share them with others.

21) I prefer to clean other peoples’ places than my own. Perhaps I’ll work on a trade sometime.

22) I’m not afraid of many of the standard things. I let small spiders live in my room and take big ones outside. I have had lizards as pets and enjoy them. I like rodents, but prefer that wild ones stay in nature, not in my house. I LOVE heights and I’m going to do wind-tunnel sky-diving next weekend. (Again, with the money thing. I’d love to jump out of ‘a perfectly good airplane.’)

23) I’m a hugger and I think that today we don’t allow ourselves enough physical contact. It’s been a struggle as a teacher, but I try my best to be prudent and give people their space, even when I’d like less.

24) I don’t mind crowds, if they are calm. I was in the middle of the largest (perhaps) collection of Americans ever (Yeah! President Barack Obama!) and it was cool. I wanted to go more quickly to leave, when it was over, than I could, but I was extremely impressed with how amenable everyone was to the situation and to each other. I’ve literally never been so close with such a large crowd, but I got through and it was fine. OK, it was better than fine. I loved it. The inauguration itself was so great, that I even enjoyed being physically moved around by the crowd because it was so big and dense at one point.

25) Hmm, thinking about 22) and 24), I’m not claustrophobic in the usual sense, but I don’t like super-large department stores, like Ikea or Walmart, by myself. Small spaces don’t bother me, but if I can’t see an exit or a window in a building, it creeps me out. On the other hand, if I’m crawling through a cave, spelunking, and I can’t see an exit, there’s no problem.